A Very Serious Review of “Sandy Wexler”

About the Film

Warning: Spoilers ahoy!!!

Title: Sandy Wexler
Year released: 2017
Stars: Adam Sandler, Jennifer Hudson, Kevin James
What happens: It seems to be about a terrible talent manager who falls in love with a perfect angel and for some reason she reciprocates, but who knows?
Rotten Tomatoes: 31% and falling
Our thesis: A few people said this movie was pretty good. We’re sure they’re wrong. We will watch this movie to prove to ourselves we can and for no other reason.

According to Wikipedia, for those smart enough not to watch this movie:

Sandy Wexler (Adam Sandler) is a talent manager working in Los Angeles in the 1990s, diligently, albeit erratically, representing a group of eccentric clients on the fringes of show business. His skills as a manager are challenged when he discovers a legitimately talented singer, Courtney Clarke (Jennifer Hudson). The Wexler character is a satirical homage to Sandler’s real-life manager, Sandy Wernick.[1]

Our collected thoughts, put together at least as coherently as this movie:

On the opening sequences:

JIM: Ok, we get it, you know celebrities that were relevant when you were.
BRETT: Woof.
BRETT: He looks like… just… normal Adam Sandler
JIM: Wait, no.
BRETT: Oh my god, is this going to be his voice the whole time?
JIM: I have a terrible feeling it is.
BRETT: Why would Adam Sandler want to sustain this voice for a whole movie? What is it adding? He looks way too young to speak like that
JIM: Sandy Wexler needs to see a doctor.

On how the other characters treat Sandy:

JIM: Is it possible this is how Adam feels about himself?
BRETT: If so, this is the saddest movie he’s made
JIM: I choose to see this film through that lens
BRETT: I feel like more likely this is an impression of a manager he had
JIM: Or an uncle
BRETT: It is, I looked it up, it’s his manager.
JIM: Wow, that’s… incredibly disappointing.

As we meet the other characters:

JIM: Oh boy, Kevin James – wow, wow, wow
BRETT: Is this movie just a collection of scenes and thoughts?
JIM: How must these guys feel as they fall asleep at night?
BRETT: Broken.

On the plot:

BRETT: Gee, this Sandy sure is a screw up
JIM: You don’t think is the kind of story where he could be redeemed, do you?
BRETT: Well, they certainly haven’t dropped any subtle hints it’ll work out.
JIM: Jennifer Hudson is too good for this.
BRETT: Why did they GO to Alaska???
JIM: Adam Sandler surely just wanted to go to Alaska
BRETT: Listening to Jennifer Hudson sing in the context of this movie is an out of body experience.
JIM: Where did the snow go?? Where are we?
BRETT: This is the worst recreation of the Northern Lights since… well, I didn’t see the last Adam Sandler movie
JIM: This is nothing if not an exercise in locations work
BRETT: If only Sandy’s bumbling could somehow turn out to be his superpower
JIM: Why is Jennifer Hudson going along with this?
BRETT: WHY IS EVERYONE INSANE IN THESE MOVIES
BRETT: I said “oof” out loud a LOT near the end there.
JIM: Ditto.

Conclusions:

BRETT: What can we say?
JIM: This is another great example of the navel gazing of Hollywood.
BRETT: La La Land, watch out.
JIM: “Sandy Wexler” even set fire to the Hollywood sign
BRETT: That’s probably a metaphor or something
JIM: If the thesis statement of this move were come alive, Sandler’s longtime manager would tell him his movies are bad.
JIM: But the lack of coherence almost makes this watchable in that at a certain point you’re just along for the ride
BRETT: Like the whitewater rafting of movie watching.

Anything else?

JIM: The woman who says, “do you have to block the whole aisle?” is the best actress in the movie.
BRETT: It’s the most real moment.
JIM: People said they liked this – is it just because they got all these heartfelt cameos?
BRETT: There are some solid performances from talented people, some of whom are even current-ish…
JIM: Looking at you, Terry Crews.
BRETT: And then there was Varouj.
JIM: Let’s never talk about him again.
BRETT: Worst character.
JIM: WORST

Let’s end this review the way they ended the movie: unmemorably.

G’night!

Sandy Wexler

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